I've been waiting to blog after things settle down around here. The last several days a depression hit me that I couldn't seem to break out of. Usually I can break out of these moods but this last one has been a hard one. I was crying several times a day for Karlie and her non existent friends around here. That situation has hopefully ended well because there is a girl several houses down that IS allowed to play with her and this little girl seems more Karlie's style anyway. This girl comes from a family with six kids that moved here from out of state so they're a little nicer than your typical local families.
Just as things were seeming crappy, I ran into a relative that I could have lived without seeing again when Keith and I took Natalie to Walmart yesterday. He's a cousin of mine from my dad's side of the family. When I got divorced from my ex husband he chose my ex over me. He took me by surprise when he came up to say hi. At first I was sort of more friendly than I would have liked to have been just because I was so off guard. He asked me if I still had my old job. I let him know the brief story about how my mom and sister got me fired and how I had a felony charge over the whole thing. Later when I thought about everything I really wished that I had thrown in more things about how crappy my family is. Oh well, missed opportunity. Then I told him that it's OK, I'm used to family screwing me over....kind of like how he did when he chose my ex over me when I got my divorce. The whole thing went down hill from there and I ended up telling him to not stop me next time because I don't know who he is and I walked off with my family. It was a pretty moment in the middle of Walmart with everyone walking by looking at us while I was crying the whole time. Ahhh life! Thank you for these moments. The good news about this is that I wanted to tell him for a long time how rotten I thought he was for standing by such a jerk when everyone stood by that jerk and left me alone but I'm his family and he should have stood by me. It's finally been said and now that chapter of my life is closed.
And to top off all the bad, I haven't slept in forever. It's like as soon as I lay down anxiety hits me. My mind is racing everywhere and I can't stop. This morning I was done with kids. They've been home on spring break and I've done all the work myself while they've sat around or ran off and played. Luckily for everyone in the house I got a nap today when Natalie did and woke up much happier than I've been all week. I think I'm finally back to an upswing again in life. Man I hate it when life kicks your butt!
So there it is. My life has sucked lately but things aren't as bad as they did seem and it's getting better by the moment. Now I'm going to go to bed and hope I can sleep. If not I guess I'll be reading Sense And Sensibility because for some reason I'm hooked on the classics right now.
Good Night!
